Quit Looking For Snakes

The woods were cool, the air was crisp, and the smells hinted that Fall was around the corner.  My friend Jennifer and I were taking a walk in the trails at a park near our home.  She had been telling me about how sick her father-in-law had been, and how her husband had been gone for 21 days straight to help care for his dad.  I wanted to have the right words to say, and I felt the weight of her burden.  

Suddenly, I saw a neon green snake on the trail. I screamed for Jennifer to stop, but it was so day-glo-green that I assumed it must be a kid’s toy. We approached slowly to make sure it was indeed a toy, when Jennifer declared it was real – she saw it move.  We tested the “alive factor” the only way mature, adult women do; we threw a small rock close to the snake.  Again, I declared it was a toy because the snake did not budge.  I said, “Girl, I have seen lots of snakes and this has to be a toy.  I have never seen one that is glowing green and does not move.”  Jennifer was brave and apparently more ready than I to continue our walk, so she got a big stick and decided to move the snake off the path.  As soon as she lifted the snake’s body we knew, day-glo snakes live in the woods and apparently can lay perfectly still in the presence of a hysterical woman – that would be me not Jennifer. 

            As we hiked the next hour, I jumped at every stick on the path and even gasped at a butterfly that landed near my foot.  I was not enjoying God’s creation and nature.  All I was concentrating on was watching out for more snakes.  I cannot tell you if there were any wildflowers or any beautiful views on the trail.  I saw only the dirt in front of me as I was concentrating on spotting what I feared.

            This morning, I opened a new book Spiritual Warfare for Women by Leighann McCoy and read this question that Dr. Neil Anderson had asked her, “Wouldn’t it make sense that we truly worship that which we most fear?” Leighann McCoy goes on to say that our fear drives us to adjust our behavior so that we honor the object of our fear.

            I felt like I had been hit over the head with a rubber snake.  That is exactly what I tend to do in my life.  I am walking along in the dirt looking for the thing I fear instead of looking to the God of this universe.  Think of all the moments of peace and beauty I am missing by looking down at the ground for “snakes”.  I tend to worry about money, the healthy of my family, and being good enough.  Those are my gods because that is where my thoughts and worries lie.  I have honored the fear of loosing those things, and as a result, have made those things idols in my heart.

            How can I change Lord?  I don’t want to be ruled by fear.  I don’t want to spend more time thinking about my fears than I do thinking about my blessings.  I thought back to the conversation I had with Jennifer right before we saw the snake. It felt like God was not answering her prayers.  Her husband was starting his 4^th week away from home, and his dad was still sick. The problems feel really big sometimes, but maybe that is the exact moment that God wants us to look at HIM and not our fears.   Today I want to turn my fears over to God.  I want to start looking up to praise God instead of looking down at my problems in fear.  How about you?  What fear do you need to give God today?

Please Don't Judge Me By My Milk…. or Gorilla Boots

We had one hour. One hour to go to the grocery store, buy some necessities, return to our home to unload, and make it to Jujitsu on time.  Mission: Quick Grocery Store Trip is not always a success, but today I had a good feeling about the trip.  I had a plan.  We would go to Aldi, the smallest store nearest our home.  We only needed a few items, and I had faith the mission would not fail.

The trip was going great. We were nearing the end and I could see the finish line.  I noticed in my peripheral another shopper.  She was shopping alone (wouldn’t that be nice), a little older, and she was staring at my two children.  My kiddos are not those kids that are running in the store, but they are also not always aware of personal space. I immediately apologized, “So sorry if we are in your way”.  She approached my cart.  She had an awkward smile on her face.  What she said took me completely by surprise, “You really should be buying organic whole milk for you and your family. It is much healthier and will actually help your family loose weight.”  I must have looked dumbfounded because she continued telling me about a “milk blog” I should read.  I finally remembered how to speak, and I spouted out that I did not think our family needed to loose weight!  I replied that milk was very controversial and that many people think all milk is bad, but we still drink it.  Yes, I am sure organic is best, but my grocery budget was lower at the end of the month, hence our choice. This stranger continued to tell me how she wished she had made better choices when her sons were young, and I really should consider making room for it in my budget – for the health of my young children.  I finally smiled tightly, said thank you, and walked away with my poisonous milk loaded in my cart. I was fuming.  When planning a trip to Aldi, I don’t expect to be judged.  Let’s be honest.  Aldi is not a “high on the hog” establishment and that is one reason I shop there.  What has happened to our world where a perfect stranger feels that they should judge my milk choice?  Are there not more important issues like poverty, sex trafficking, world hunger, and who Kanye West insulted this week? (I just wanted to see if you were paying attention.)

I realized a few days later that I was as guilty as my grocery store friend. I was scrolling through my pictures on my phone and found a picture I had snapped of a stranger in a mall. She had tight purple cheetah print leggings and furry black boots that reminded me of a gorilla. I quickly sent the image in a text to Matt. All I wrote was “Roar”. Now, I have a sense of humor, and in truth I may still be laughing a little about those boots. But the take away is this: I am no better than the woman at Aldi.  I judge quickly, harshly and unfairly.  Maybe we all need to take a deep breath, open our minds and just love.  Love like Jesus loves.  Jesus sat with the woman at the well, he talked to the worst sinners, and he had dinner with thieves (I bet Zacchaeus served organic milk).  Today, I am going to stop my judgments and try to love more.  Because maybe, just maybe there is more to a person than the milk they choose or the clothes they wear.

I Told the Teacher to let Her Fail

I told the teacher to let my daughter fail. Seriously, what kind of mom does that?  My daughter has been complaining about her homework, and it is only the second week of school.  She has been groaning and moaning when homework time rolls around each evening, so I decided not to nag her.  I decided to let her mess up. Why?  Is that not the worst mom decision in the world?  I was asking myself the same question.  But here is my conclusion.

She is in 3^rd grade today, but shortly she will be out in the big world without a Momma to remind her to do her work.  I want her to be motivated on her own.  I want her to remember how it feels to come up empty when the teacher asks for an assignment, so that she will never want to feel that feeling again.  A missing assignment in 3^rd grade means she may have to stay in during recess.  A missing assignment in college means she may fail the class.  I want her to fail today so that maybe she will want to succeed tomorrow.

This morning we had tears.  Her tear stained, puffy red face hopped in the carpool and headed off to school.  I honestly thought about saving my sweet girl.  She is really smart, and she could easily catch up tonight.  I thought about letting her finish her work this morning and taking her to school late.  I thought about sending the teacher an email and asking for an extension.  I thought about saving my first born, but instead, I let her fail.

I did, however, send an email to explain my daughter’s tears.  I told the teacher that it was fine to give my little Ava Grace consequences for no homework.  I have a feeling that things will be different tonight.  I have a feeling that I will not remind my little girl, who is getting bigger so fast, to do her work tonight.  I think we may have just grown up a little…both of us!

There is this snippet of a scripture that comes to mind “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial” 1 Corinthians 10:23

I am just like Ava in my thinking and actions.  I hit snooze instead of getting up to have a Bible study, I pass on yoga because it hurts, I have one more bite because I make the best brownies in the world – I really do – my kids told me. 

So many days it’s much easier to be lazy than to be intentional with our daily lives.  Human nature is to take the easy way out.  Have you ever noticed that doing the easy thing is not as satisfying?  The permissible things in life just do not satisfy like the beneficial things.  Maybe that is God’s way of pulling us back into His Best plan for our life and keeping us on task.  It seems like his best for me involves failure, practice, trial-and-error, fixing mistakes, and re-doing things until I get it right. Hmmm....Sounds like God gives homework too!

The Hot Mom

Matt on his Guy Trip in the Great Smoky Mountains

The Hot Mom

We all know a “Hot Mom”. You know – the mom that everyone thinks looks way younger than the age she is and could pass for a college student?  I know we are not supposed to worry about the outside appearance, but let’s be real – we all want to look our best. Well, I finally achieved “Hot Mom” status.  Unfortunately it was because my A/C quit working in August.  August in Nashville is similar to a picnic in Dubai during the middle of the day. That might not be accurate because all the pictures I have seen of Dubai look like there is a breeze. So, imagine a desert with no breeze. The last weeks of my summer in “Dubai” have not been my best.

My hubby asked permission to go on a guy’s trip – yes I said that correct. No, he does not need permission, but he asked out of love. I said, “Of course, you have a great time. I am excited for you to go!” Then, summer, in all its glory came in full force.  We had the best summer ever, but this momma was tired.  We had done the park, rivers, pools, camping, and grocery store a bazillion times. The heat was now close to apocalypse level, and I noticed that I was a bit drained.  My kids had been with me everyday the entire 9 weeks.  I love them so very much, but honestly, a little time apart never hurt anyone!

The big trip was approaching, and I was still feeling positive.  Then we found out the plane tickets needed to be made for Tuesday, not Wednesday. Ok – what’s one more day, right?  Then, we found out that the trip actually extended until Sunday.  Matt was going to fly to Detroit and help drive an exotic car on a road rally to Atlanta. Super fun!  This was every man’s dream trip.  I was thrilled for him, but maybe secretly a little jealous that I was not the one doing my dream trip.

In my mind, I had always thought we might retreat to my parent’s farm the six days Matt was away.  That is always a good plan – to call in reinforcements when the brigade is feeling a bit weak.  Alas, my parents were not in town during Matt’s trip dates.  For a few minutes I felt like I was back in elementary school and wanted to pitch a tantrum, but my words were more like, “Oh too bad, well you guys have fun.”

No worries.  I will be super mom.  I would finish strong.  So, like any good mom, I made a list and planned each day with fun activities to keep us entertained.  Matt left on Tuesday morning and the A/C started acting funny that afternoon.  By acting funny I mean the house was 77 at 3 pm.  It had been struggling a bit, so I just said a prayer and made sure to close our blinds.  I am sure the neighbors thought we were the most unsocial hermits since we never opened our blinds this summer.  I often imagine they think we are hoarders with lots and lots of cats, but I closed the blinds anyway hoping it would help cool the house by bedtime.  The A/C did work that night.  It cooled off to 75 by 2 am, and it was back to normal by 6 am.  We had so much fun planned that I did not have time to give it much thought.  We had worked in a quick lake day with my parents between their activities, so we met them at Center Hill.  After a day of boating, tubing, and swimming, we traveled home, tired, hot, and happy.

We arrived home from our quick trip knowing that we had to hurry.  We had to be at school in less than one hour to meet my daughter’s new teacher.  The heat wave that hit me when I opened my kitchen door felt almost the same as the heat outside – not a good sign.  Long story short, I called the A/C guys while I spackled my face with make-up (which sweated off at the same rate of application).  I tried to coax my lake hair into a casual up-do.  After struggling, I mused to myself that the messy bun must only work on celebrities using a professional hairdresser.  My kids were also feeling the heat and did not magically get dressed on their own.  This hot mom, who usually tries to speak softer when frustrated, ended up yelling, “Get ready NOW!  We were going to be late to meet this blessed new teacher. And let’s not forget the bag of chocolates we bought her. Never mind– It melted!”

Fast-forward to nighttime. We had met the teacher, and we ate our PTO provided snow cones, all before a massive thunderstorm made us jump in the car to race home.  Seriously, is this a joke?  My children are sticky and sugared up in a house that feels like a sauna.  Just in case you are not familiar with Tennessee weather. If it rains in the summer, approximately one minute later the air becomes as thick and hot as that sauna you sat in on vacation because it looked good in the brochure.  Quickly the temperature in our house rose, and by night it was 82 in the house. The next day, it reached 90 in our bedroom!  I was officially the Hottest Mom on the block! That was about the time that my phone vibrated to notify me of my hubby’s activities of the day.  He was driving a yellow Ferrari thru the Smoky Mountains.  I texted back “hope you are having as much fun as we are” and included the appropriate emojis.

My hubs felt terrible that while he was gone I was dealing with our Chernobyl Catastrophe alone.  He offered to come home early, but I was prideful enough to not be “that wife” who is too wimpy to handle things while the man is gone.  I said, “No save yourself!” and gave him the OK to finish his trip.  I may or may not have been plotting my next adventure with the Girls!

As I write this, I am again cool thanks to our new A/C system. In reflection, I feel I have learned a lot from this experience.

·      I am still that selfish “child” down deep that wants to be comfortable and have my way.

·      When things get hard, the true “me” comes out; she ain’t pretty.

·      It is OK when I get grumpy and flip out, because I can apologize. Asking forgiveness teaches my children to do the same.

·      God’s love and forgiveness is way bigger than me and way bigger than my worst moments.

·      Look for blessings in the problem. These are a few of mine:

I took the kids to the park we passed on our way to pick up an extra fan.  I ran into a friend I had not seen in a year and she totally cheered me up.  We went to see a fun movie that we would not have taken time to go see.  I did not cook or do laundry for 2 days because it was too hot.  WooHoo!

On the first day our A/C unit died, right before we went to the lake, the following Bible Verse Card appeared mysteriously at my spot on our breakfast table.

 “My brothers and sisters, you will have many kinds of troubles. But when these things happen, you should be very happy. Why? Because you know that these things are testing your faith. And this will give you patience.”  James 1:2-3 ERV

Thanks God!  You tried to warn me.  At first I really failed this test.  I yelled at my kiddos, got irritable and grouchy.  Then, I stopped.  I remembered reading that verse.  I remembered what I had heard about praising God in the problems – how it changes things.  I started praising him, and you know what?  It changed me.  I felt more positive and less short with my kids.  God really cares about our problems.  He cares enough about me to somehow place a Bible verse on my spot at breakfast.  He is a big God who has time for our little problems – even when they involve the Air Conditioner.

With love from Tennessee,

The Hot Mom