Guest Post by Julie's Lighter Side Columnist

Recently, a friend told me that she wished she “had it all together” like me. Then I died laughing. No really, it was probably the best compliment I’d gotten in a while, except that time my 5-year-old told me that I only had the second stinkiest feet in the family. As a modern mom, isn’t “having it all together” (or at least the appearance that we do) what we’re striving for—the ultimate goal of millennial motherhood?

Let me assure you that I absolutely do not have it together. My family’s collection of Happy Meal toys alone is proof of that. I try to be very transparent and open about my shortcomings. I don’t want anyone to feel bad if they compare themselves to me. If you must compare yourself to me, please ask and I can tell you lots of things that will make you feel like a fine, upstanding human being.

When we see someone who appears to have it all together, we envy her. We want to know how she does it, we want to be her friend, we want to be her. Of course we can consult our reasonable minds for a moment and realize that no one has it together— we just see what they show us for a short period of time. I think my friend caught me on my one good day in a decade when she made that assessment of me.

The girl at the gym who can do squat thrusts and look cute, instead of obscene. The mom at Starbucks with the perfect messy bun and the Pinterest-worthy outfit. The woman at Kroger with no GMOs, processed foods or artificially colored snacks in her buggy. The mom at the park who corrects her children calmly and kindly, never raising her voice.

This is what we are comparing ourselves to! But do you know what that is? A snapshot. One tiny bit of an otherwise hectic life. Instagram-worthy moments that make us feel less-than. How bizarre that such a short, incomplete glimpse into someone else’s life can make us feel so inadequate and defeated.

I think about this a lot, and as a Type-A list maker, I tend to make mental lists of what I’ve got under control and what I need to improve on. Sometimes I think that once I move everything over to the “Under Control” side, I’ll truly be a got-it-all-together person.

When I start trying to check off that list, that’s when God does His best work in me. Inevitably, I fail. Then I try harder, and fail harder. Because the more value I put on my own ability to take care of everything or be everything to everybody, the more He reveals my need for His strength.

James 3:16-18 says For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness. (NLT)

I’m not saying it’s wrong to want that perfect messy bun, but it is certainly jealousy that makes me compare my life to another’s, and selfish ambition to think that I could or should project the image of having it together. I don’t have to make perfectly balanced and healthy meals every night— God tells me to be gentle and peaceful. I don’t have to hand crochet matching turtlenecks for our family photos, I need to be merciful and sincere.

God shows me that my desire to check off the boxes that the world values is limiting me to a shallow version of what He wants for me. I don’t need to hide my shortcomings, He can use my weaknesses to show His strength.

Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (NIV)

Calamities, ya’ll. That is my life, Every. Day. It’s like Paul was writing just for me!

God made me the kind of woman who gets frustrated trying to buckle the infant seat in the van properly. He gave me the face that shows every irritation when my kids are wild. He gave me those 3 little circus monkeys who have terribly embarrassing table manners. And He made me love gluten, soy, dairy, GMOs, MSG and red 40.

He did that so that you could look at me and think “Bless her heart, she’s a mess, but she sure does love Jesus.” And that beats having it all together any day.

Julie Holt is a wife, mother of three, hair stylist, runner, reader, writer, and is tired. Very tired. She works in Brentwood, lives in Spring Hill and can be reached at bwcjholt@gmail.com. You can follow Julie on Twitter at jh_lighter_side.

Dear Friends, 

I hope you got as much from Julie's words as I did. I will be inviting other guests to join us from time to time.  See you next week when I am back from vacation!

If God is Good Then Why do Bad Things Happen?

Why do we think “God’s Goodness” and “hard times” are mutually exclusive? I know so many people who have recently had BAD things happen.  Not like a flat tire on your vacation bad – more like brain tumors in a mom of 3, sickness with no cure in sight, job loss with no new job on the horizon.  Maybe multiple smaller problems feel like they are slowly tearing you down.  Where is God in all the bad? Does He care?

Here is what I am reminding myself: sin brought death.  God’s best plan was not death and hurt.  God’s plan was no sin and no hurt.  We messed up.  That means sin and death resulted when Adam and Eve thought they had a better way.  God was not taken by surprise when they chose to follow their own way.  God had a fix for the bad choice, and it was, and is, and always has been JESUS!  God sent Jesus, his only son, to fix our mistake.  Here is the Big Idea: We humans sinned and brought all of this hurt on ourselves.  Even though we messed up, God still sent His Son to fix our mess-up.

So, why do we think hard times mean God is not good?  God should be saying to us – “Why did you humans cause all of this bad?  You brought pain into my perfect world that should have been pain free.  Why are you still sinning?  Are you listening my children?  Turn back to my perfect plan!  There is a better way.  Accept Jesus as your savior and get free from your sin and shame.”

“God is Good” and “Life is Hard”.  These terms are not mutually exclusive, but instead these facts work together.  Jesus said in John 16:33, “In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”  Take heart friends, this life is hard but guess what?  God is good in the hard!  God is good in the midst of the deadline, the delay, the debt, the diagnosis, and even in death.

Are you asking yourself, “why me”?  God is asking you, “Why won’t you trust me?  Trust me with your life and I will give you more life than you can ever imagine.”  Maybe God’s goodness actually equals hard times.  Maybe God is using the hard times to draw you closer to Him.  Let me be clear: God is not the creator of bad – only good.  Satan is the father of lies and sin.  The sin leads to death and hurt, but that is actually what the scripture means when it says that God will work all things unto your good.  It may not feel good, and it may not be good yet.  But God can draw out good from the bad.  God can use the very worst circumstance to bring about the good.

What if right now, God is using the death of a dream to bring you Him?  What if God is using this hard time in your life to bring good – not just good things, but the Best thing – even more than you can ever imagine.

Brave Notes

Brave Notes of Scripture Fight Anxiety

     Anxiety is one of the most common problems children face.  One of the best tools I used as a School Counselor was to have the child use positive self-talk. For example, if the child is nervous they would practice thinking, "I am strong and brave".  Scripture self-talk is even better than traditional self-talk.  If your child is struggling with doubt, anxiety or fears then work together to find a Bible Verse that is his or her special verse. Read and memorize the child's Bible Verse each morning and night.

     I love these Napkids. I found these at my local Kroger, but you can use any plain napkin or paper towel. Write a message that reminds your child of their verse, or for younger children just a few key words from their special verse. My 5 year old is not able to read his message, so I read it to him before we go to school. I always loved my lunch notes as a kid, and this is a great way to give your child the tools to fight anxiety with scripture.

Quit Looking For Snakes

The woods were cool, the air was crisp, and the smells hinted that Fall was around the corner.  My friend Jennifer and I were taking a walk in the trails at a park near our home.  She had been telling me about how sick her father-in-law had been, and how her husband had been gone for 21 days straight to help care for his dad.  I wanted to have the right words to say, and I felt the weight of her burden.  

Suddenly, I saw a neon green snake on the trail. I screamed for Jennifer to stop, but it was so day-glo-green that I assumed it must be a kid’s toy. We approached slowly to make sure it was indeed a toy, when Jennifer declared it was real – she saw it move.  We tested the “alive factor” the only way mature, adult women do; we threw a small rock close to the snake.  Again, I declared it was a toy because the snake did not budge.  I said, “Girl, I have seen lots of snakes and this has to be a toy.  I have never seen one that is glowing green and does not move.”  Jennifer was brave and apparently more ready than I to continue our walk, so she got a big stick and decided to move the snake off the path.  As soon as she lifted the snake’s body we knew, day-glo snakes live in the woods and apparently can lay perfectly still in the presence of a hysterical woman – that would be me not Jennifer. 

            As we hiked the next hour, I jumped at every stick on the path and even gasped at a butterfly that landed near my foot.  I was not enjoying God’s creation and nature.  All I was concentrating on was watching out for more snakes.  I cannot tell you if there were any wildflowers or any beautiful views on the trail.  I saw only the dirt in front of me as I was concentrating on spotting what I feared.

            This morning, I opened a new book Spiritual Warfare for Women by Leighann McCoy and read this question that Dr. Neil Anderson had asked her, “Wouldn’t it make sense that we truly worship that which we most fear?” Leighann McCoy goes on to say that our fear drives us to adjust our behavior so that we honor the object of our fear.

            I felt like I had been hit over the head with a rubber snake.  That is exactly what I tend to do in my life.  I am walking along in the dirt looking for the thing I fear instead of looking to the God of this universe.  Think of all the moments of peace and beauty I am missing by looking down at the ground for “snakes”.  I tend to worry about money, the healthy of my family, and being good enough.  Those are my gods because that is where my thoughts and worries lie.  I have honored the fear of loosing those things, and as a result, have made those things idols in my heart.

            How can I change Lord?  I don’t want to be ruled by fear.  I don’t want to spend more time thinking about my fears than I do thinking about my blessings.  I thought back to the conversation I had with Jennifer right before we saw the snake. It felt like God was not answering her prayers.  Her husband was starting his 4^th week away from home, and his dad was still sick. The problems feel really big sometimes, but maybe that is the exact moment that God wants us to look at HIM and not our fears.   Today I want to turn my fears over to God.  I want to start looking up to praise God instead of looking down at my problems in fear.  How about you?  What fear do you need to give God today?

Need a FAST Workout with no Equipment? Try this!

CrossFit, High Intensity Interval Training, Tabata Training…. Those words may be Greek to you, or maybe they are in your vocabulary every day.  Here is a new one for me: EMOM.  When my hubs came home telling me I needed to try this EMOM training, I thought it was a lady online making up workouts.  EMOM stands for “Every Minute on the Minute”.  The idea is to perform an exercise at about 80% of your capacity and then get a little rest before the next minute begins.  Think of each minute as individual time blocks.  So, pick an exercise, or two, and begin the first exercise at the start of every minute.  Do enough reps of the first exercise during that minute to finish in about 45 seconds.  Use the remaining 15 seconds to recover before the next minute begins.  Perform another exercise at the beginning of the second minute, followed by another rest period.  Try to repeat for a total of 20 minutes (or 15 if you are dying like I usually am J).  Push yourself!  I love this workout method for my busy, school-just-started, Fall-seems-busier-every-year, life!  

I end all of the EMOM workouts feeling absolutely exhausted, and you will too if you push yourself.  This is a form of High Intensity Interval Training.  Studies suggest that 10 minutes of this style workout can burn more calories than 30 minutes on a treadmill.  I like those stats, and I have found that Interval Training gives great results for me personally.  It seems too simple to be that good, but it really works.

I use the stopwatch on my phone to time my rounds. Hit start and try this workout! Do the reps that allow you to work hard for 45 seconds and then rest for 15 seconds.

EMOM Workout

Minute 1: 20 air squats

Minute 2: 15 push-ups

Repeat for a total of 20 minutes

Please Don't Judge Me By My Milk…. or Gorilla Boots

We had one hour. One hour to go to the grocery store, buy some necessities, return to our home to unload, and make it to Jujitsu on time.  Mission: Quick Grocery Store Trip is not always a success, but today I had a good feeling about the trip.  I had a plan.  We would go to Aldi, the smallest store nearest our home.  We only needed a few items, and I had faith the mission would not fail.

The trip was going great. We were nearing the end and I could see the finish line.  I noticed in my peripheral another shopper.  She was shopping alone (wouldn’t that be nice), a little older, and she was staring at my two children.  My kiddos are not those kids that are running in the store, but they are also not always aware of personal space. I immediately apologized, “So sorry if we are in your way”.  She approached my cart.  She had an awkward smile on her face.  What she said took me completely by surprise, “You really should be buying organic whole milk for you and your family. It is much healthier and will actually help your family loose weight.”  I must have looked dumbfounded because she continued telling me about a “milk blog” I should read.  I finally remembered how to speak, and I spouted out that I did not think our family needed to loose weight!  I replied that milk was very controversial and that many people think all milk is bad, but we still drink it.  Yes, I am sure organic is best, but my grocery budget was lower at the end of the month, hence our choice. This stranger continued to tell me how she wished she had made better choices when her sons were young, and I really should consider making room for it in my budget – for the health of my young children.  I finally smiled tightly, said thank you, and walked away with my poisonous milk loaded in my cart. I was fuming.  When planning a trip to Aldi, I don’t expect to be judged.  Let’s be honest.  Aldi is not a “high on the hog” establishment and that is one reason I shop there.  What has happened to our world where a perfect stranger feels that they should judge my milk choice?  Are there not more important issues like poverty, sex trafficking, world hunger, and who Kanye West insulted this week? (I just wanted to see if you were paying attention.)

I realized a few days later that I was as guilty as my grocery store friend. I was scrolling through my pictures on my phone and found a picture I had snapped of a stranger in a mall. She had tight purple cheetah print leggings and furry black boots that reminded me of a gorilla. I quickly sent the image in a text to Matt. All I wrote was “Roar”. Now, I have a sense of humor, and in truth I may still be laughing a little about those boots. But the take away is this: I am no better than the woman at Aldi.  I judge quickly, harshly and unfairly.  Maybe we all need to take a deep breath, open our minds and just love.  Love like Jesus loves.  Jesus sat with the woman at the well, he talked to the worst sinners, and he had dinner with thieves (I bet Zacchaeus served organic milk).  Today, I am going to stop my judgments and try to love more.  Because maybe, just maybe there is more to a person than the milk they choose or the clothes they wear.